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I was scrolling while my son got his breathing treatment this morning. I happeed upon a post from one of my Facebook Friends about submission in relationships. I feel like she took a quote from someone and shared it so I can't say these are her words.
So this is the post,
"Being submissive doesn’t mean a woman’s gonna sit down and stay quiet on command. Submission is about trust. She’ll submit when she knows she’s safe with you, when she trusts you to lead, protect, and provide.
But here’s the truth… no woman is gonna submit to a man who lies, acts controlling, or doesn’t show up emotionally and spiritually. If you want her to be submissive, you gotta be righteous. ~B4Lyfe"
Every time I see this I am so vexed. Like if she is submissive sitting down and staying quiet is exactly what she is going to do. Like are we not reading the same definition.
I had a friend that tried to tell me well in the bible it's about partnership. Not having an intimate relationship with the Bible I did some research. No. It is EXACTLY as the word is defined. It even equates him to God. It's evident that folks don't read. Here... verses specifically directed at women.
1 Corithians 14:34
Women are to remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says
Titus 2:5
to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God
1 Peter 3:5-6
For this is the way of the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their husbands, like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do ot give way to fear.
Ephesias 5:21-25
Submit to one aother out of reverece for Christ. Wives submit yourselves to your own husbads as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in eerything. Husband, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church ad gave himself up for her
Sooooo.... about that partnership because not a one says that. It is the dictionary definition, "meekly obedient".
So I go back to, "What do you want? Submission or Partnership?"
Yesterday during the Melanated Goddess Collective's first Sunday Brunch Chat one of the ladies asked about men and their role in the household. This is some of what I said.
She asked about me protecting and providing. So I took it back to, "Whose traditions are you referring to?" and understanding the very unique experience of chattle slavery in America.
Colonization spread the Bible across the globe where ever it could touch. It was a means of control and subjugation, not empowerment. Though descendants of enslaved and colonized communities have found some measure of solace in it, do not let cognotive dissonance have you forget that the purpose was subjugation and control. What better way than to rip God and your religions from you.
I digress.
Chattle slavery in the colonies was some of, if not the worst of it. Black men were bread just like Black women were bread. Sexual assault happened to our Ancestors and was not gender specific. So when you look at the trauma across generatios and the programig it began to have you can see its offspring i our culture today.
Black Men - Breed, Work like a Slave, Eat, Breed, Work like a slave. Watch your woman be raped after they raped you. Breed. Work like a Slave. No you can't rescue her, only watch and do nothing. It's Her fault we do this because look at her. Breed. Work like a slave. If you show intelligence or leadership we will breed you and then kill you.
Do you honestly not see the ramifications of all of that today? It's right there in your face.
So slavery is abolished after generations of Elders that remembered are ways have been killed. You need to be part of this society now. What is your model for how that looks?
Why Massa is the model.
So what did they see?
This one White man that controlled everything and everyone. Did Massa work? NO. Everyone around him worked while he got rich. His wife didn't have a voice with him, that's why some of the worst slave owners were White Women. That was how they had control because with their husband, they were to submit.
Even outside of Massa, the White men that worked for him didn't treat black women any better than Massa did.
So now you're trying to live by their traditions so you fit in. The Elders that do remember ours, well the young don't listen to them like they would at home. They want to learn to live with white people and be see as equals. To do that they gotta live like them. Learn their ways.
When, I look at how the dynamics worked before slavery, it's not that there weren't roles, it was that they played to their strengths. Men hunted, gathered, maybe even crafted. Women took all the things to the market and made the money. They bring the money home and the women make sure debts and things are paid.
Black Women have always been strong and prominent. The Oracles were Black Women. Even in Isese tools, sacred veneration days, and greetings are all named for Women. The word for the Creator, Olodumare, is "Owner of the Womb of Creation". This shows the position of respect and honor held by Women in the tradition.
When you describe the Most High as having a womb, their likeness could never be less. Never be meek.
Partners. Companions. These are things I can agree to in my relationship.
Submission - That is relegated to one thing.
In my relationship, I desire a companion that is my counterpart. We ebb and flow i how we handle things together. Sometimes he leads. Sometimes it's me. This is determined based need, skill, and circumstances. Household things we'll discuss and pivot as needed. I won't be meekly obedient and I don't want that from him.
I don't want one of us at the center. I want us both front and center together. We both protect and provide in our ow way. We are both present. We both nurture. We are both Divine. This to me is more like us loving in living like the Most High. Not this dynamic that clearly is a remnant of slavery and colonization.
Ok rant done. LOL.
Thanks so much for reading my blog. I know not everyone will agree. That's ok. The most important person does.
Until next time... O'daabo!
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