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Yesterday during my Temple's Itadogun we received the Holy Odu Oyeku Meji. Oyeku is all about things ending. In some instances death. We spoke on why death is important and the endings that it represents. We discussed how it makes way for new life. I asked my god daughters to consider what things have or will end over the next 16 days and what new life is being born now that space is made. I didn't imagine doing a cord cutting in the astral the same night this message was delivered though.
I had a sneaking suspicion something was up. I found myself laughing and reminiscing in a way I had not in quite some time. I was speaking of you and smiling. I thought my grieving process was complete. I had let go. I cried tears of heartache because I knew you weren't coming back. Still, the letting go of a friend is a process. I know this. I had accepted that our friendship was no more. Ten years is a nice amount of time don't you think. I'm not sure if you'll read this when it comes to your email. I hope you do. This is my farewell.
When I consider what friendship looks like to me words like consistency, support, commonality, fun, accountability, guidance, and more come to mind. You were all of that. I am eternally grateful. So, the ending would come in the form of those things being no more. I saw it fading or shifting rather. I hoped I was wrong. Then one day, poof, you were gone.
This morning, just now, I awoke from a dream. I hadn't dreamt of you like that in a minute. Even the last dream where you were present, I saw your wife, not you. I think I freaked out and divined on it just to make sure you were still here in the physical. You are. That's good. I am glad. Still, this morning is the first time I saw you. Not just you. It was the first time I have ever successfully dreamt of all 3 of you at the same time. Normally, I can only see one or two and it is hinted the 3rd is present. This time, I could see you all.
I know we were walking through some kind of area, neighborhood maybe. We're talking. We had not all been together in quite some time. Something about music flashed in my head. We were headed somewhere and then. The other two are kind of off to the side, slightly centering us but mostly near you. You stop me. You tell me that you need the Aux cord back. You also can't sure your playlist with me anymore. You look sad. I can see it. I hand the cord to you. I tell you it is ok. You say I'll find a way to share... your voice trails off. It's not true. Maybe it is. I walk away. I wake up.
That may be the gentlest cord cutting ever. Our spirits would use an Aux cord. We always shared random music or were listening to music together.
How do I feel? A little sad all over again. Right now XScape is in my head singing, "It's so hard for me to say good bye."
I need you to know that space, the reason you could no longer stay in it, he's really nice. You once told me what the person for me needed to be like. That he had to be able to take care of me completely. He had to not just be on my level but slightly edge me out. That I had to be able to learn from him. He needed to be willing to learn from me.
Those boxes and more.
So, let your spirit be at ease. I am ok. Good even. I will grieve a bit again, but my Ori is pleased. So is yours. I am proud of you. Considering you were reading the Orisha gateway book, maybe I will see you again on the other side of the mat. Who knows.
For now, I have handed the aux cord back to you. The cord gently removed from me.
Thank you friend.
Good bye.
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